The other day I walked into our Resort Shop, looking for a Gatorade. I picked out a "cool blue" and was heading to the register, when something caught my eye. It was something I haven't given second glance to in quite a long time. Yes, it was an 8 oz bag of White Chocolate covered Pretzels. I picked the bag up as I placed my Gatorade on the counter. I perused the bag as if I were studying an old photograph of long separated friend. "Those are good aren't they?" asked our lovely Shop Attendant. "Yes....yes they are" I replied, as I placed the pretzels back on the shelf. "Well, aren't you going to buy them??" She asked.
She obviously didn't know my history with these pretzels. She had no idea how high I had soared, or the depths of which I had fallen. It was an honest and naive question by someone who had no idea the seductive power a Chocolate Covered Pretzel possesses over the weak. It was like a bartender walking out of his establishment and enticing the recovering alcoholic peering into his window with parched lips (ok, maybe not that extreme, but you get my point). I hesitated for a moment, and then, having decided that 3 years was enough recovery time, I said "absolutely"
I took the pretzels and the Gatorade back to my office and placed the pretzels on the desk in front of me. After staring at them for a few minutes, I opened the cellophane bag and reached in for a pretzel. The moment I ate that pretzel, the memories of its taste flooded my mind. Memories of when I was a kid and first started eating them. Memories of Christmas parties where I would fill my plate with them and be content the remainder of the night. And then the two most recent memories: firstly, Josh and Amy's Reception where this whole mess began. Josh and Amy just happened to have some of the most delicious reception favors ever: Creme Puffs, Carrots with ranch dressing, and of course...Chocolate Covered Pretzels.
quick sidebar:
In recalling some of the greatest accomplishments through the ages, it's fascinating to note that most share a common start. almost all were born out of a friendly wager, or "one upsmanship mentality" Pocahontas showed John Smith how to play football in the first ever Turkey Bowl, so Lewis and Clark had Sacajawea build them the Oregon Trail. FDR had a sweet wheelchair to ride around in during the Great Depression, so Truman decided to "one up" him by giving a bunch of scientists Einstein Bagels in exchange for the A Bomb. Magellan sailed around the tip of Africa in a boat, so Alexander the Great used African Elephants to cross the Alps, and we could go on and on...
This experience was no different. Friends enjoying some savory snacks, not knowing that they would soon be orchestrating one of the greatest "I can eat a significant amount of one particular item on New Year's Eve" accomplishments ever to be attempted along the Wasatch Front.
Of course, when surrounded by pure testosterone and wedding food, eyes tend to be bigger than stomachs. So the wagers ended up starting a little high. 50 lbs of chocolate pretzels, 50 lbs of carrots, 10,000 creme puffs. Yes, I admit, this is a little over the top, but consider the Chinese for a moment (second sidebar, be prepared for it to wrap back to the original point, if I can remember it... I tend to get off subject). Originally, they wanted to build a wall around the entire world. Talk about big eyes! Sure, if you ask someone now-a-days, they'll tell you the Chinese wanted to build a wall to fortify them from their northern enemies, but we all know the real story. Qin Shi Huang was at a golf event with Genghis Khan when Genghis started talking about how many Mongolian Restaurants he could open in one day. He said he could open up enough restaurants that they could form a delicious fence across the entire Asian continent. Then Qin Shi Huang said he would one up Genghis by building a wall around the world, forcing local patrons to pay a toll in order to get from one Mongolian Grill to the next. They both left the golf tournament with a mission (neither made the final day cuts, Genghis shot an abysmal 83 and stabbed a rules official, and Qin Shi Huang was DQ'd for grounding his club in a green side bunker).
Well as we all know, The Chinese did build one fantastic wall. It even has "great" in the title. But we also know that it doesn't span the globe. We also know that while Mongolian Restaurants don't quite form a fence, they do spot the globe, offering a nice variety at a fair price. So I'd say Genghis was the more successful of the two, but that's a different debate.
Back to the Reception (which was lovely, by the way)...
We decided at some point we were going to have this "overindulging throw down" and began prepping ourselves for the day of reckoning. I approached training for my pretzel mosh, much like Kobyashi (pre-arrest).
Alas, New Year's Eve day arrived, and we gathered for the festivities. The hodgepodge of delicacies sat on the table: brownies, cereal, ho-ho's, creme puffs, pretzels, cinnamon rolls, rice krispie treats, chocolate chip pumpkin bread, ice cream, lasagna, and even Swedish Fish.
The starting signal flashed, and we were off. What seemed like eternity, but was most likely an hour or so later, all had succeeded or failed, and we were on to less caloric activities (namely lighting fireworks and singing karaoke).
I came away with three things that night. 1: Skyrocketing Cholesterol 2: a huge appreciation for the gag reflex, and 3: a satisfied resolve never to eat a chocolate covered pretzel again.
Fast Forward to this week. All of the above memories flooded my senses as I bit that first pretzel. but overpowering the sick feelings I had December 31st, 2008, was the deliciousness of that pretzel, and the many fond memories I had prior to that overindulgence... I ate another, and then another, and then I found myself stupidly saying "If I had 5 lbs of these exact pretzels, I would have done it!" I ate a few more, and then all of the sudden.... I couldn't eat any more. They are so RICH and so SALTY...it was crazy. I couldn't even finish an 8 oz bag of pretzels! What was I thinking??? 5 lbs??? 50 lbs???!!! these are the times when I really just sit back and think, "man Ben, sometimes, you are such a MORON" I finished the bag eventually (it only took me three days), and it was delicious, but it was also a good reminder of the age old adage "all things in moderation". Now, I understand this was quite a long story for such a short moral, but sometimes it's about the journey, not the destination (wow, a two-fer of adages in one post...I'm on a roll).
